13 Oct 2020
It’s been a while since I’ve been actually able to listen to music and enjoy it without being triggered by the abuse she put me through. I had to really concentrate and it took today waking up thinking about being pushed back in Feb 7, 2020 to finally figure things out a bit. It was a rough day but eventually I figured it out. So to try and focus I wrote a song. At least the beginnings of a song. We will see that I decide to do with it.
Music that I found as inspiration for this song:
You told me you loved me, But it's now clear you never cared, I unlocked my heart and gave you the key, You took both just to see how I would fare. He came on your face while you lied and denied, You told me you wanted to be mine but I was blinded, As you to continued to cover up with more lies, Now all I can do is question and say goodbyes. You told me you weren't texting, But you were straight up just sexting, You told me he hurt you that night, I didn't know that being abusive is how you fight. You just kept pushing ... You just kept pushing ... You kept pushing my heart ... You kept pushing until ... You upgraded to physical abuse! That night I found out, instead of love, You decided not to raise above, I got denied the truth and shown, It was him and more you were blow-in. You told me you wanted a future, All the while you were sexting, Being getto with your Sailor Moon Juicy Couture, All you did was send self sabotage signaling. You told me you loved Taylor, After we had just talked about kids, You doubled down just like a mirror, Those words unraveled any kind you ever did. You just kept pushing ... You just kept pushing ... You kept pushing my heart ... You kept pushing until ... You upgraded to physical abuse! When it came to triangulation, From the messages that you begged, You knew all the manipulation, Good thing the Doctors had you pegged! You continue to cover up and lie, So I went no contact like the book said, I don't have to do a thing but wave bye, Time will uncover your violence and everyone mislead. I've been asked to show the police the proof, But I still unconditionally love the pretend and fake you, If I do, you won't ever live under any roof, I just can't show any one the video because my heart actually cared for you! You just kept pushing ... You just kept pushing ... You kept pushing my heart ... You kept pushing until ... You upgraded to physical abuse!